I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
