Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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