he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
