u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
