I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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