You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
