She is in my trunk
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
