I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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