Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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