dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
