it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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