i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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