my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
