Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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