The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
