I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
