I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
