Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
