This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
