She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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