I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
