I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
