no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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