If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
