i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
