Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
