Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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