the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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