it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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