I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize