I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
