Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
