thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
