So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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