Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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