Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh god it's open bar.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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