I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
