Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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