You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
