Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
