So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
