You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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