There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
