I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
