Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
