i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
