Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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