I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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