haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
