I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
