If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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