Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
