I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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