end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
