so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
