I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
