Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
