To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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