:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
