SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
