I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
