craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize