no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
