p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
