I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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