i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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