you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
