I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
