He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
